Things You May Not Know

I miss wearing my old band t-shirts until they had holes in.

I have had the worst mood swings this past two weeks.

I think I'm a shitty friend, but I'm not sure.

I want to go to at least one festival in the next 12 months.

I love my dissertation.

I want my old friends back, even if they were pretty shitty.

The best thing I can think of right now is going to an Arts Centre gig.

I'm not really sure when I became a grown up.

This blog as a whole is really disjointed and weird.

I hate lists.

I can't stop disappointing myself.

I haven't slept properly in about a month.

Throwback... Sunday?

Remember those awful quizzes we used to post all over MySpace and Facebook in the Notes section? I was looking through my profile today and I saw just how many of those I used to do. So let's compare today's answers with answers from 4 years ago...

Today

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Cigarette I think.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
My Grandma's living room.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
Yeah, haven't played in ages though!

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Nik.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
2ish, Becca and I were chatting.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
No.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes :).

8. Which of your facebook friends lives closest to you?
Nik and Tess, they live on my floor!

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Yes, with a bit of time.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Not bad!

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
I'm not sure, I think maybe the summer?

12. Who took your profile picture?
My dad.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Cat, she was sleeping in the car!

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Absolutely!

15. Can you live a day without TV ?
I can but I choose not to.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Not right now...

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Definitely, my relationship has made me happier than ever.

18. Are you a bad influence?
I wouldn't say so.

19. Night out or night in?
I like both, but a night in is just perfect when you're skint.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Phone, cigarettes, pen.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
A doctor..

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Oh gosh how horrid! Glad you are better!!!!! Xxx"

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
It's manic and stressful and hard and perfect :).

24. Do you hate anyone??????
Not really any more.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
Messages...?

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes. I've been drinking but that's it.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes :).

28. What song is stuck in your head?
Do What You Want - Lady Gaga.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Someone with a ladder seeing as I'm two floors up?

30. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
No thank you!

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Uni meetings :).

2009.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
White wine.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
Route, Colchester.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
Yup :). I miss it.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Paul. It's the early hours, remember :P.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I dunno, maybe 2ish? I wasn't tired.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Nahh.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
God no. Nothing so romantic.

8. Which of your facebook friends lives closest to you?
I suppose James and Riela, they live opposite and behind me in our house.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
Sure.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Pass the Diet Coke.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Ummm, 26th November.

12. Who took your profile picture?
Balding Route photographer.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Meghann.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Not so far.

15. Can you live a day without TV ?
Yeah, sure.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Yes, but I can't change it.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Absolutely. I miss them.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Usually :).

19. Night out or night in?
Nights in can be great, so it depends on the mood and the company.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Phone, fags, music playing technology.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My doctor/District Nurse.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Hey lover. I love and miss you. Don't be sad. I don't love and miss just anyone you know.x" - Ems :).

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
It's a bit up and down, and I'd like to change some of it, but what's done is done.

24. Do you hate anyone??????
One person.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
The world's longest thread between the Reading people. And some club emails.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
I assume so.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes.

28. What song is stuck in your head?
Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Hmmm. Tricky question.

30. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Hopefully not.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow.
Get up.

Top Ten Reasons to Hang Out with Drama Students

1) They will always be more flamboyant than anybody doing any other subject. DAAAAAAAHLING!

2) Their stories are always bigger and better, purely because they can do all the voices. "And then HE said..."

3) Drama parties always involve spontaneous singing. Like Glee, but with more cheap alcohol.

4) Post-show highs will always make for the best luvvie moments. Air kisses and hugs galore.

5) No Drama student ever hated anybody. To their face...

6) Once you have one in your friendship circle, you slowly get surrounded by more until eventually you too can guess the play from three words.

7) Questioning your sexuality is a perfectly normal thing to do. After all, last week Lucas was kissing Christian but this week he's hooking up with Ellie... (All typical Drama student names or stage names.)

8) The level of bitchiness is actually insane during productions. No one is safe from a character assassination worthy of Harvey Lee Oswald.

9) Few Drama students will know who Harvey Lee Oswald is. They may confuse him with Haley Joel Osment, who is very dissimilar (I hope).

10) No Drama student worth their salt will call a truce with the rivalry against Contemporary Performance and Street Arts. They see themselves as far more academic.

It's the little things that make me so happy.

Sitting in the library, reading up on my work for my placement presentation. I've bought too much crap food again and I see the librarian disapprovingly glaring whenever I rustle a packet or my drink fizzes as I open it. A Crunchie wrapper gleaming gold in the harsh lighting. The slight annoyance at hearing people talk at a normal volume; don't you know this is a quiet study area?! (Guilty of this myself.)

Smelling the pages is a weird little habit of mine. A smell that forever changes for me, as I read for pleasure, education, something to do, need, desire. Looking up having been engrossed in a chapter and discovering someone is looking at you, whether intentionally or not. The shock of losing your place as the glass door bangs closed and shakes the entire door frame, and frowning to yourself as you desperately look for the chapter. Understanding it all, understanding nothing whatsoever, building your knowledge by reading around the bits you don't understand, the gifts of the Internet gods in the shape of Wikipedia and Google.

The Dewey Decimal System which perplexes and comforts me at the same time. The enjoyment of sitting in the Primary Education room so at least I am surrounded by colours as well as aisles and aisles of paperbacks. The reminder that even children should read as the titles leap out appealingly; "See Inside How Things Work", "Just Ducks" and "Bear Has A Story To Tell". Remembering my own reading journey, from Biff, Chip and Kipper to the books before me, by way of Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings.

I really like libraries. I really like university. I really like being a co-intentional learner with an awareness of my own critical consciousness. It's these little things which are currently making me so happy.



Background Blog: Addicted to this genius at the moment. He's inspirational, and one of the best artists of our time.

Things I Love About Romeo + Juliet Intensive.

1) The amazing weather. It's been sunny both days, and there has been sunbathing galore!

2) The connection I feel with the cast. I feel like I could call every member a friend, and every rehearsal is a laugh. It's bringing me closer to people I haven't made the effort with before, and I'm seeing so much talent that fills me with pride to be a part of this.

3) Down time. I have played rugby, danced to Daft Punk, made daisy chains, been in a giant human chair and created multiple musicals.

4) The honesty of the production team. When we need a bollocking, we get one. When we deserve praise, we get it. They're fabulous.

Socially Unacceptable.

This evening, I attended a dinner party with family members. A highly successful evening, but a number of small yet embarrassing blunders made me wonder; am I the only one who encounters these things? And if I'm not, how do others make these situations better (slightly less cringe-worthy)? Here's a quick list of the many accidents I encounter at social events, and my coping strategies.


1) A Kiss Too Far

A situation I encounter multiple times at dinner parties, family parties and seeing friends' parents. You go in for the cheek kiss, pull away, and then they go to kiss you again. You don't have time to move your face, so instead you are frozen in horror as those perky peckers go in for the second offensive - straight to your own lips or the corner of your mouth. This situation's advice is also applicable to the surprise kiss; when you didn't actually realise this was the particular social etiquette applied to the situation you have found yourself in, and shockingly you get a nice big wet one smacked right on your lips. What can you do? Usually I will make an awkward joke along the lines of "Oh Jim, I never knew you felt that way!" or "You could've warned me we were being continental Barbara!" The outcome I can expect is an equally awkward laugh, or very red cheeks and being ignored for the rest of the evening by the kisser.


2) Sorry, That's MY Side-Boob

Being a larger bosomed lady, I often find myself in impasses where my assets have got too big for their boots (or indeed, the over-shoulder-boulder-holder). An innocent hug turns into the start of a sleazy porno just by the appearance of The Boys. The worst is, of course, table terrors, where the simple act of leaning over to grab a serving dish or bottle of wine creates chaos as your gigantic milk pillows topple over glasses, bottles of liquid condiments and, horrifyingly enough for me on one all too memorable occasion, an entire bottle of red wine. I now expect the awkward laughter from fellow diners, and perhaps a misplaced spot of humour from an inconsiderate member of the party regarding chest size and puns. Note to anyone who does this: yes it is offensive, and I don't appreciate the idea that I'm being ogled at a party unless I deliberately got them out because you're famous or really fit.


3) So Anyway, Where Was I?

How much is too much? A question which will appear frequently in this guide of mishaps and mischief, it appears here in its initial form of the dreaded small talk. Just when does a tangent become a whole new topic? Joking about my elderly grandpa's senility and ability to just trail off at the end of the sentence, I experienced for the first time this evening the horror of forgetting where exactly your story was going. Tangents are a tricky business as if you go too far, you can't return to the end of your story, leaving you in one of two positions; other members of the party going off on the tangent thus leaving your story unfinished, or having everyone look at you expectantly as you desperately try to recover yourself. Luckily in this instance someone took up the mantle for me, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief. However I have observed times where cruel diners have left the speaker to flounder and desperately put themselves back on track, by which time no one cares what you had to say because you have been completely humiliated. I have no idea what I would do in this situation: suggestions for both sides wanted!!


4) Platter Problems

The return of "how much is too much?" is here, with the sticky subject of food. Is it socially acceptable to pile your plate high with the fare provided by your (hopefully) charming host, or should you stick to the rule of less is more? Having eaten somewhat heartily today I felt that one portion was perfectly fine for me, although the men around the table went back in for seconds. This made me wonder if this is just a question for the women who go to dinner parties; are we so concerned about looking thin in front of others that we deny ourselves the food we desire, or do we really feel full? Because I won't lie to you, I was incredibly tempted by another portion. Then there was the issue of the sides. Two pieces of garlic bread enough for you, or would you like the whole damn baguette? Who will judge you if you do eat the whole thing? If everyone else has had some, then surely that's okay? This also follows into dessert. Portion size remains a problem, but when you are offered something to go with it which the host would have to travel to get, what do you do? I actually really wanted some ice cream with my lemon tarte, but as nobody else asked for any and I didn't want to be the one to make the host move then I didn't. Probably a good thing as it's all extra calories, but at the same time I bloody love vanilla pod ice cream.


5) "It's not like Cocktail is it?"

This is a situation I constantly misjudge. I like a drink, and I do know my limits, but what is the actual dinner party limit? A couple of glasses before dinner, a glass over dinner and then straight to coffee? Because I feel I failed to recognise this limit. Half a bottle of prosecco before eating, three glasses of red over dinner and then a coffee strikes me as slightly excessive (and markedly more than anybody else around the table). But equally I don't feel that a single glass of wine throughout the evening is acceptable unless you're driving. If anyone has any idea of the acceptable limit which doesn't leave you feeling as if you missed the boat, but equally doesn't result in you jumping on the kitchen side to perform 'Cabaret', please let me know because I desperately tread this fine line. This situation is made doubly awkward when coffee/tea is served, you find it foul, but don't feel like you can ask for another.


6) See Ya Later, Alligator

You feel the party is winding down, and start thinking about elasticated waistbands and a cheeky episode of QI on Dave before bed. You reach for your shoes, put your coffee mug down, and then someone brings up politics/religion/same sex marriage/holiday photos. Now you're scuppered. All you really wanted was to go home and curl up on the sofa, but now you've been dragged into a long conversation with the inevitable outcome of "Let's agree to disagree, shall we?" Someone will ask your opinion, but you've already drifted off into thoughts of crisp bedsheets and the orders of the next day. Embarrassed at being caught out, my trusted fallback is to smile and nod, trying to avoid being drawn into any further discourse at the risk of being caught out about a) not hearing, b) being slightly drunk or c) having slightly outlandish views which probably aren't appropriate to be voiced at this time.


I hope you've enjoyed my foray into the acceptable standards of society. Please feel free to answer my questions or pose your own solutions to these problems below.

When Life Gives You Lemons

I wake up some mornings and I don't like myself. Today was one of those mornings for some reason. I hate these days because I go straight back to where I used to be 3 years ago; staying in bed all day until I can't stand the feel of the sheets any more, sitting in a room watching Jeremy Kyle with the lights off, refreshing my Facebook feed constantly, smoking endless cigarettes and constantly debating whether or not I should eat. Now it's 3pm and I'm still in pyjamas, I've only eaten a Creme Egg and I have no motivation. Everyone has days where they want to cry, and that's of course completely normal. I don't think I'm suffering from depression, and I have come to terms with the issues I have with myself. So why, today of all days, have I woken up feeling so worthless?

Maybe it's because once again I have spent every penny I have and I am now totally and completely broke. Maybe it's because I worked late last night, overslept and now feel guilty about missing my lecture/picking up library books. Maybe it's because I had a heart attack because my laptop wouldn't turn on properly and I thought I'd lost all my uni work. Maybe it's an amalgamation of all of these events, but the fact of the matter is that I am not happy.

Will a shower do me good? How about a good meal? I can't answer these questions because I just don't know what makes me feel better in these situations. I've lost the coping mechanism I used to have for dealing with these moods, which I don't regret, but it still sucks that I'm now stuck like this.

I'll tell you what made today better. Getting that little bit closer to my 2:1 which will hopefully get me my Masters degree.




Background Blog: Mixed emotions and an amazing song.

Fetch will never catch on, Gretchen!

It never really occurs to me how much life is like school. People always tell me that the second you leave school everyone changes and wakes up to life and they become these infamous adults you always hear about.

NEWSFLASH: Nothing changes.

At school, I was never a popular person. I liked books so I was a boff, and I liked chocolate so I was fat, and I hung around with people who were into different things which weren't "popular" so we weren't popular, and I had a very unfortunate overbite from being a thumb-sucker so I had a year of brace incarceration, and I am short-sighted so I had multiple pairs of unattractive specs, and I was very overconfident so I was too loud. It was only during the summer of 2006 when I suddenly got hips, boobs and contact lenses (as well as becoming best friends with the Head Girl and hanging out in the local park) that people suddenly noticed that I was "cool". This popularity contest could only be won by who you knew and the way you looked, I thought to myself.

For years this affected my self image. I had to get my boobs out, and keep my hair blonde, and know everybody, and make sure people were always talking about which boys I was seeing, otherwise nobody would think I was cool any more. All I would do was listen to underground music and slather on eyeliner until my eyes were tiny slits of black, telling all my friends about the new band who were "definitely going to make it, they're so talented", drink Frosty Jacks at parties and throw up everywhere, smoke and tell my parents that I didn't, take party drugs and pretend they didn't scare me, and make some serious romantic mistakes.

I'm not really sure when all this changed. I'm pretty sure it was when I met my boyfriend and realised that I could be loved for being somebody that I really was. Then I started at a new university and, aside from being my usual boisterous self to start, I settled into friendships which have lasted. My current friendships with people at home have strengthened in some cases, and weakened in others, but I have absolutely no regrets about the decisions and choices I have made since September 2010.

But I digress. Suddenly it dawns on me that popularity is no longer about who you pretend to be and who you talk to; it really is about who you are. I would love for 16 year old Me to see 22 year old Me. See the people I hang out with, the fun I have, even the pure amount of people who will happily stop and talk to me on campus and actually care about how my day is going. 16 year old Me would giggle coquettishly at the boys I now have serious conversations with, and she'd pick the worst clothes in the nicest shops on pay day, and God forbid that she'd ever run out of eyeliner.

I think my point is this; 16 year old Me, keep on doing what you were doing. Because it turns out that having a brain and being sensible with a little bit of recklessness here and there will help you to muddle through. And 22 year old You is actually incredibly, indescribably happy with her life.

16 year old Pickle, with best friend Nola.

22 year old Pickle with best friends Tess and Nik.

Background Blog: A little tribute to 16 year old Me.

Walking in a Hampshire Wonderland.

I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful part of the world where the hills are green, the air is fresh, and the scenery is absolutely stunning. The mixture of old and new is everywhere and the overall environment is just so wonderfully calm.

In an effort to try and help ourselves do our various proposals for uni, my housemates and I embarked on an epic quest to find motivation. For Tess and I, it was a cup of tea and a cigarette followed by a breakfast of bacon, poached egg, toast, beans and mushrooms. There was a small-scale argument regarding whether or not to go for a jog, which ended in the decision to go for a walk instead. We managed to rope in Yazz, and went off via Sainsburys to walk to a field I had seen nearby when driving to placement.

I like being spontaneous. I like buying two bottles of wine instead of one, and picking up some chocolate and a magazine to treat myself. I deserve it. But more than that, I like seeing a path and saying to myself "What's down there?" Instead of walking around a field, we treated ourselves to a view of the beautiful Hampshire countryside and the icy cold blowing wind which we couldn't have hidden from if we'd tried. We found a path that lead to nowhere, then went back on ourselves and followed the concrete path to its end. Then there was the decision - go left or right? We chose left. We turned up at the top of a place called Whiteshute Ridge, which gave us a panoramic view of the whole city below. It was beautiful.

I now have a new place to be thoughtful, to sit and be alone, to go with friends for a picnic in the summer and drink Pimms. I'm looking forward to it.

Irresistible.

What with Lent beginning and everyone giving up their favourite things, I of course jumped on the bandwagon with my house mate and we gave up take-aways (excluding meals out, just ordering in food when we're too bored/drunk/lazy to do otherwise). This led onto a thought of things that I couldn't ever give up, because they are just too irresistible. This is that list. 

Things I can't resist:

A cuddle with my boyfriend.

A glass of wine on a warm evening.

Pub gardens in the summer.

Being the centre of attention.

Getting accidentally drunk.

Staying in pyjamas and not doing anything for a day.

One more episode of my favourite TV show at an anti-social hour.

Reading a book in the bath.

Roast potatoes (hot or cold).

Chocolate.

Peppercorn sauce, a rare steak and fat, fluffy-centred chips.

An extra fifteen minutes in bed.

Red shoes.

Pretty dresses.

Ordering a ridiculously complex coffee covered in whipped cream from Starbucks.

Laying on the grass.

Spending time with my friends.

Looking at pictures of cartoon cats.

Buying new nail varnish.

Listening to my favourite songs on repeat for hours.

Planning the future.

The smell and heat of wood fires.

Sea breeze.

Cigarettes and coffee outside cafes.

Remembering old times with friends.

Pretending my life is a multi-million dollar movie and that I'm really awesome.

Burying my head in the sand when things get too difficult.

Squirty cream, straight to the mouth.

Christmas.

Putting things off to the last second.

Being loved.

Spending money.

Assessing these things, it's very obvious that I have something of a hectic lifestyle and I want this to change. Having a discussion with my house mate recently, we discovered that through changing one part of our lives we want to change more and more to make ourselves happier. But how much can we change before we cease to be ourselves? And on the flip side, how little can you do to effect change?

I could probably make a change within myself to be more determined. I could stop putting things off till the last second, I can definitely stop sleeping in all the time, and I can definitely stop myself from wallowing in my own self-pity whenever something goes wrong. I would stick to a budget if I drew one up for myself. It would be better for my mental state, I'd definitely have a good outlook in the pragmatic sense of the word and most importantly I'd be happier. I want to be happier.

I know I could give up some of the foods, because I've already done it. The diet I started at the start of this semester kickstarted a change within my "relationship with food" (I hate that phrase) and denying myself food twice a week is just a part of my life now. It's easier to choose food when you know what's good for you and how many calories each thing contains. So in actual fact, I don't think I should have to give anything up because I've been behaving so much better with my eating habits that it would be worse to give up things I love.

So what else is there to change? Not a lot really. Perhaps what I actually need to do is learn to be happy with what I've got.

Valentine's Day: The Breakdown.

So once again, Valentine's Day is upon us. So where exactly along the line did a Saints day become a Hallmark holiday? And why on earth do we believe that there is only one day of the year where we can offer someone our hearts?

I won't lie to you. I love Valentine's Day. I love being showered in gifts and affection, being told how amazing I am and being thoroughly spoilt. My boyfriend on the other hand doesn't like it so much. He believes that loving me doesn't become more special because it's February 14th, and that he should be able to show me that every day. Since being with him, I've started to learn to think like that too and it's definitely made me shrug off the pressure of needing to do things on that day.

So instead of breaking the bank on presents, deciding to make plans on Valentine's Day even though Thursdays are busy days for both of us and putting lots of pressure on us both, I decided to do something better. Spend it with my best friend, whose boyfriend won't be able to make it down to see her for Valentine's Day. We're going to watch bad TV, have a glass of wine (only the one, remember it's a fast day), have a snuggle on the sofa and enjoy the company of each other instead of stressing that the restaurant/food isn't right.



Background Blog: No reason, I just really love this song.

"Look at her!"

I've always wanted to be fashionable. Not in the sense that I follow specific trends or that I'm always wearing the latest clothing, but in the sense that you can tell unmistakably that when someone wearing particular clothes walks through the door, it's me. I want to carry an air of being comfortable within myself.

And so I lay down the gauntlet, to anybody and everybody who thinks they could find an article, any article, of clothing which is just completely me. I am sick and tired of wearing things which suit my shape, but don't always suit me. Am I really a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl? Or would I look better in high-fashion with an oversized hat and wearing socks with stilettos?

A few things that might help: I love the fashion of the 50s. Nipped waistlines and low necklines really suit me. Dropped waists and polo necks make me look ridiculous. Body-con if the eternal anathema and I carry the majority of my weight on my stomach and around my back. Red is a colour I can wear well. I don't really like bizarre shoes; I love court shoes and stilettos. My favourite pieces of jewellery are my white gold oval hoop earrings and my gold ring with diamonds and sapphires.

If anybody could answer my questions, please do so. Otherwise I shall spend the rest of my life searching and probably never really knowing.


Background Blog: Totally addicted to these guys at the moment. Don't even care that their music is nearly 70 years old.

The First 1sts of 2013: III

So the last week brought a few new firsts of 2013. My first diet, my first attempt at making life easier and my first snow day. All of these things have made me feel more positive about my 23rd year of existing, even if that does mean that I'll have to start a dissertation and make some scary life choices.

My first diet, or indeed any diet, is often controversial. Any of my long standing friends will tell you how often I start a new fad like only eating green food or not eating carbohydrates after midday or substituting food with cigarettes and alcohol. Within hours, days or a week I've usually said "Sod it, I can have a cake right?", eaten a packet of Mr Kipling slices, realised what I've done and fallen into a deep depression, complete with a chocolate or carbohydrate filled binge. This time, it should be different. This is a calorie counter (something I've not done before) and I'm matching it with exercise alongside my best friend. Together, I'm almost certain we can make this work, and have our bikini bodies by the time we go in holiday. We're doing the 5:2 Diet, which comprises of 5 days of normal eating and consuming your daily 2,000 calories (feed days), and then 2 days of giving your body a break with a consumption of 500 calories (fast days). It's not as unhealthy as you'd think, and it's remarkably easy to fill your feed days with the things you like! The fast days are a problem, but a good staple is a jacket potato which contains a mere 116 calories (based on an average weight of 175g). We've also found it helpful to drink a lot of water; healthy and bloating! By using an online calorie and exercise calculator, we have found it much easier to keep a track of what we're eating. If you'd like to use the website we have found (which I definitely recommend for any sort of calorie controlled diet) you can find it here. Two useful websites for recipes include Lavender and Lovage and BBC Good Food from which we have drawn lots of inspiration.

(UPDATE: This post has been in process for 6 days, with a variety of edits. As I write this, we've stuck to the plan for the whole 6 days and have included quite a lot of physical exercise which has helped us to create an almost complete week of the plan. Neither of us have cheated on our fast days.)

So we move onto another controversial life plan - actually making my life easier. I'm usually terrible at sticking to regimes that I make for myself, because I love sleeping so much and I really do lack motivation for most things in life. Whether or not it has been affected by the diet I am currently following (see above paragraph) I don't know, but in the last few days I have managed to get up at a reasonable time, achieve several tasks, attend lectures and rehearsals, do homework and extra reading, catch up with friends and exercise. This is positively anathema for last semester's Pickle, but clearly this year something is going right. In fact, I've felt better in the last week than I have in a long time, and I hope it continues.

A small occurrence which doesn't require much discussion was the barn dance I attended last night. It was good fun, I didn't drink (as it was a fast day) and I discovered that if you line dance for 50 minutes you burn a fantastic 357 calories. Lovely.

Finally, we visit today's snow day. After being told that 10cm of snow was expected, we all began praying like mad that we wouldn't have to go into uni for our most hated lecture (yes it's true, some things never change and my hatred of Role of the Actor is included in this). At 2am, no snow had fallen, and with heavy hearts we trudged up to our beds to try and get some sleep before being challenged into doing some stupid activity for three hours. Imagine our excitement when, upon waking at 8am to start getting ready, our garden was covered in a pristine, shimmering blanket of beautiful deep white snow. Naturally we went back to bed and got up again at midday, to venture to Sainsburys for emergency supplies: a tin of baked beans, salt and vinegar Snackajacks, two boxes of wine (one red, one white), a bottle of wine for our housemate's girlfriend and lots of Options hot chocolate sachets. Kicking through the snow was fantastic fun, and Tess and I managed not to slip over once! Then once we got home we changed into lots of layers, rolled about in the snow for a couple of hours, made a snow cat and a snow Dalek, and got back inside to sip hot chocolate and watch TV. We loved our day, and we made a big happy face for the camera.

"If we stand really far back from the camera, it might look like someone else took this..."

So there we have it, my faithful readers. Another bunch of firsts to put in the memory box of my life and look back on in years to come. So let's raise a glass of (already calorie accounted for) wine to another good year.

Background Blog: Something I've done a lot of today.

The First 1sts of 2013: II

So here we are again with another first 1st. A particularly happy one at that...

I have the first ever solo of my life. In Hair. Playing a black, female Abraham Lincoln, and singing his Gettysburg address speech to a hairy guy on a major trip. Not a conventional part I'll admit, but it is mine and I will defend it as fiercely as I would my own child. I have worked so hard my whole life to be in a show and have something that was all mine and that nobody else could share, and now I have it!

I will  post it below. SO MANY EXCITED.

2013; My First 1sts.

So as a new year rolls in, we all eagerly jump to mark the change of numbers with constantly updating our social media sites with what we've done. "OMG, FIRST MCDONALDS OF 2013 LOL LUV IT!!!!!" I hate the way that people feel the need to do this, but at the same time this year really will be a year full of firsts for me. So I shall write about them as they should happen or arise.

My first 1st of 2013 is this; I went horse riding. Not for the first time ever, but for the first time in over ten years. It was amazing! I had forgotten how strange it feels to put your complete trust in an animal taller, stronger and more instinctive than you are, and yet still come out alive. However, it has made me wonder if I should start riding again during the holidays. I was never a skilled rider, and I was always happy to trot along the fields watching as the rest of my fellow hackers galloped off to see what lay at the other side. But I did enjoy it, and when I got up on Jatinka it all came flooding back to me. Here is a picture to prove it.

My second 1st of 2013 happened this morning. My first goodbyes. Obviously leaving home is always hard, whether it's for a couple of weeks or a couple of months, but I might not get the chance to go home until June. I've become really close to my parents since I took my gap year and I hate the fact that leaving them upsets me so much because I know that I have so much fun, I'll see them in a month anyway when they come down to see Hair and that they're really proud of me for doing what I'm doing. But somehow that doesn't make shutting my front door behind me after packing the car full of suitcases any easier. I have no shame in admitting that I, a 22 year old young woman with a life that many would envy, cried myself to sleep last night because I didn't want to leave, and genuinely contemplated dropping out of uni just to avoid the pain of leaving my mum in the hallway in her black dressing gown for potentially the last time this side of summer. It got harder still in a hallway hundreds of miles away when my dad dropped the last of my things by the bottom of the stairs, opened his arms to hug me and told me to behave and stay in touch. I'm too proud to let him know it, but as soon as the door shut I cried again and I've just about stopped now. But at least my darling boyfriend is coming tonight to save me from myself and my self-pitying ways.

Us having a laugh about breaking the sofa on my 21st birthday.

Background Blog: A song about firsts and lasts, and how they'll affect you always.